After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
