Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Houston, we have a blender
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
