how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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