I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
