Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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