When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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