seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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