I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i think i just lost a toe
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
