Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
