Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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