Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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