He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
They took my balls.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
