i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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