At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
