she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
