talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
