I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
