I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They took my balls.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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