I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
