Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
