When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the night ended with taco bell and tears
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
