At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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