Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
