I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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