she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize