We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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