i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
