Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
