my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
