If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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