he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
