OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
