Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
