just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
