WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
