That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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