Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
