i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize