please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
