just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
