I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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