whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
