I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
