the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
