I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
