tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
