You can't motorboat a personality
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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