If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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