who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Alive.
So much puke
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
