1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize