you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
