oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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