Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
