cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize