dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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