haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
