Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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