no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
