you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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