You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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