Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
