She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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