I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
