dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
