Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
