The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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