my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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