The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
