only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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