Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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