Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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