3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is Oprah even human
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
