I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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