so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
